Darkness

I have a lot of darkness inside of me. I feel it creep up and creep in to my soul and completely change who I am. I need people in my life who don't let that happen. People who don't want me to drink or do drugs. They keep me on track and I wont apoligize for having them in my life. Male or female they are my friends. Because once an addict always an addict because you never know when your last time is. And your last time could be the death of you. I fuck up a lot. I don't do it to punish people I do it to punish me. Sometimes I think I am not worth it. That I have nothing to offer and other times I think I am great and other people can fuck off. My head is confused my heart is broken and I feel alone in a crowded room. For once I just want someone to talk to me instead of trying to have sex with me. Sometimes I want to shake people and say what the fuck could you be my friend for one god damn min. I am so lost.