Falling apart all over again

So I thought I was past a lot of things.  But when Liams dad wanted to take him and I had to talk to him. And then I saw him I was over whelmed with emotions and anger. I even yelled at my new boyfriend over bull shit because I was so mad I needed to yell. I couldn't figure out what I was so mad about.  Then the tears came and I put it together.  There is a lot of shit he did to me in 5 years. I don't trust I questioned everything I am leery towards things. I have panic attacks and emotional break downs where I can't catch my breathe. I am afraid of everything and everyone.  Some how he gets to be free and I get this.  A crazy person attitude. Us breaking up was supposed to free me. I was gonna be free. Now I feel more caged then ever in some ways. I want to break the chains that i am bound to. I don't want to worry. I just want to change the course of my life just a little.