Revenge

Revenge.... I have been rough revenge many times. The first serious relationship I had I fell in love hard. I felt this need to be with him. Its hard to explain but if you've been in love you know. We were both virgins when we met. I thought he was going to be my first. I started skipping school and running away to be with him. He was older that I was and out of school. I got into trouble too much so we cooled off for a while. I didn't think we were broke up but then someone told me he slept with two girls who we mutual friends of ours. They said it was true and so did the guy I was in love with. I wasn't ready for his world. I didn't drink or do drugs. And I knew I had to do these things to be with him. I was called a prude and virgin. There was my first clue. If you have to change who u are its not worth it. So I pretended to be a party girl until I became one. But I really loved him and I would have done anything to get him. So now that we were over I wanted revenge. I was never taught to forgive. He had these two friends. One was his best friend and the other was a mutual friend I introduced him to. See where I'm going with this. I thought if I slept with them I would feel better. But I didn't. I felt I had thrown something away that I wanted to give to him. I felt betrayed and hurt. We later got back together and he knew about it. But something shifted within me. It was never the same after that. I tried to fill my pain with drugs, booze, and sex. I wanted him to hurt like I did. And partly I was punishing myself for what I had done. I should have told him how I feel but I was young and didn't know what I was doing. I don't regret it because for a moment I was in love with someone who loved me and his family loved me. I had never felt love and they gave me hope something I needed desperately. I wasn't ready for a relationship that was that intense. I needed to grow up and learn to forgive not get revenge cause the only person I hurt is me. I had to forgive myself for my actions. And I hope one day he forgives me. Because with out his lo that he gave in the beginning I would have net known that love like that is out there. His family took me in and loved me and I thank God for that and for them. I hate that I caused him pain and I hate that for years I hurt from this. All I can do now is to say revenge is never worth it. Forgive.