The older we get but do we get wiser?

I keep no secrets about how much I journey! I have kept journeys for years and yesterday while working on my book that I am yet to finish I started reading my old journeys and realized how different I really am. I have grown in every part of me except my relationship. Everyone I had wrote about was the same. Its was all about not being loved in every relationship I have had. The only conclusion I could come to is that I choose unobtainable relationships where I give but get nothing. So then I started thinking I wasn't good enough or maybe I didn't try hard enough or maybe I choose these guys because I think  if they love me I will be validated for all my hard work I put in relationships. But that's not very good. You should not have to work at having someone love u. They either do or they don't. Its as simple as that. I think I keep changing my book because I keep changing the way I want my book perceived. I want my christian side to be known. That God let me on this path but also that I went through hell to get here and that I was no angel. I made mistakes and still make mistakes but I have grown with my walk with God and I am still learning. Then I thought maybe my ending wasn't done yet. My life is always changing but never going anywhere. I have to get ready for the day. Think about things. I hate that my birthdays coming up. I still have goals I want to accomplish but yet with each passing year I'm still no closer to completing them.