Baby its cold outside

Its almost that time of year when everything seems to go dark. Its almost like I am on auto pilot not really living just going through the motions so I don't have to remember the day that change my life forever. its amazing I am a very strong person yet this one event changed who i was forever. I keep thinking with every year that passes that with my daughters passing  I should start to feel better or at least accept it. In a way it just gets worst. Mainly because I don't talk about it. I don't think about it. when others bring up there loved ones i just don't say anything. I pretend like it didn't happen. I wanna feel better but I dont know what that would be. My weight loss is going okay. I havent really pushed myself. I try to but this time of year I just want to sit by the warm fire and cry. I pray to God for un answered questions that I know never get answered. I pray for healing and relief that my heart doeant hurt any more. I pray for sleep instead of nightmares. I pray for love to warm my heart so I dont feel lonely in a room full of people. I wait for my prayers to be answered. Tonight I will sit by the fire and pray.