Tree Trouble

I had ordered a tree from Fingerhut.com. It was suppose to be a gorgeous 6.5 Montana tree. When I opened the box it barely stood four feet. I wanted to cry. So I called the number for customer service. I got a person who doesn't speak English and who I couldn't understand. I told her the situation she told me I had to return the tree and then when they received the item back they could then refund me or then exchange. I was like this is your problem. You sent me the wrong tree. Now I have to wait 2-3 weeks for a different tree. No Christmas is around the corner I am keeping the tree. I am disappointed but Christmas isn't about house big your tree is or how perfect you house and decorations look. It about how you feel and the people that make you feel that way. I love my family and the way things are in my life. I am glad there is a roof over our heads and that bills are paid. We may not be able to afford everything that we want but we have what we need and we have each other and I am thankful and glad for that. There are other members of my family that I wish were around more but they make there owe choices and I can not change that no matter how much I want to. This Christmas i just want to be with my family and feel loved and happy. Thank you God for another blessed year. I may not have much but you are always looking out for me.

Baby its cold outside

Its almost that time of year when everything seems to go dark. Its almost like I am on auto pilot not really living just going through the motions so I don't have to remember the day that change my life forever. its amazing I am a very strong person yet this one event changed who i was forever. I keep thinking with every year that passes that with my daughters passing  I should start to feel better or at least accept it. In a way it just gets worst. Mainly because I don't talk about it. I don't think about it. when others bring up there loved ones i just don't say anything. I pretend like it didn't happen. I wanna feel better but I dont know what that would be. My weight loss is going okay. I havent really pushed myself. I try to but this time of year I just want to sit by the warm fire and cry. I pray to God for un answered questions that I know never get answered. I pray for healing and relief that my heart doeant hurt any more. I pray for sleep instead of nightmares. I pray for love to warm my heart so I dont feel lonely in a room full of people. I wait for my prayers to be answered. Tonight I will sit by the fire and pray.

Finding a House

OMG this is so hard. I have a place that helps with down payments and closing cost but first you have to  be approved for a loan then you have to find a realtor and then find a house. the choices are many. papers are sky high. Weight loss not so good. I have lost about 20 pounds but then I got stressed and had set backs but I am not giving up just got to work harder. A guy shot someone in the apartments next door four times then kicked in our back fence to get away from the police so that is what prompted me to want to move. I mean I am thirty one I should be doing this any ways. I have so many things I need to get done. It just all cost money which I don't have right now but I am not giving up I know I am meant to do greater things then this.