Questions

Sometimes in life you have to ask a question. Why is it every time I ask a question I get yelled at? I am not sure I understand why people get so defenses. I mean what do you have to hide all from me asking a question. A very valid question that I have a right to ask because I care and I was concerned. But no I get yelled at and rude remarks back. I am so tired of being scared to have grown up talks and asking questions because of peoples defensiveness. If you can't give me an answer then what are you doing here with me. I am so tired of being someone I am not. I am not a push over you can use to treat like shit. I am a person who does not like the fact that I do everything by myself with out a day off by the way because motherhood doesn't get a day off and all I get out of it is 200 every two weeks which all goes to bills and the house anyways. which you bitch about. Gee you don't think I don't like  paying things. All my money goes to everything for everyone else. At this point I would be happy with clothes that don't have holes in them and a new pair of shoes but I don't complain. I choose to have my two sons there for they come first. Why do I subject myself to this meaningless relationship all so I can make you happy and in the end all it does is cause me pain. What's the point I cant even ask questions. I just wish for once my point of view mattered to someone. I feel alone and unappreciated. I have told him a million ways how much I love him and how much I appreciate him and care for him and I get nothing. I make big deals out of birthdays and holidays and always make him feel special. I have never even gotten a card from him in four years. I feel like I am never going to be loved by him as much as I love him. It should be equal and fare but I guess in life you don't get fare. You have to make sacrifices and decisions weather or not you are okay with being loved less. I guess I hope one day he will know how much I do for him or I will just always be the girl who smiles but is secretly dying to be loved inside.